Grandma

We said our final goodbyes to Grandma Hamblin yesterday. Losing her has really made me think about how I live my life.
I was surprised at the emotion that her simple service evoked in me. When my dad called to say that she was not doing well, and then when he called (or my mom called) to say she had died, I took it in stride. I didn't have tears. After all, she had been sick for quite a few years. I had cried my tears when they moved to Boise. I cried when I saw her and talked to her at Grandpa's funeral. I felt like I had said my goodbyes and I knew I wouldn't see her again. It didn't really matter anyway, she didn't know who anyone was. She was just living. It was good that she was able to go. I thought of the reunions in heaven the day she died. Her parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and most of all her reunion with Grandpa. The man who never left her side. Who loved her and cared for her even when she wasn't the most pleasant person. How sweet that reunion was.
So when I walked to her casket for the first time I was hit with a wave of emotion. She looked beautiful, just like the grandma I loved, but a little bit more frail. She didn't have the confused look in her eyes, or the eyebrows knit in un-approval. It was the pleasant grandma that loved us; and I missed her. We had had a day by the time I got to the viewing and had even thought of skipping it all together. I was so glad that at the last minute I decided to go over and leave Brent at the hotel with a sick baby. We all know that Grandma wasn't the most pleasant person at times. She did something to make all of us a little upset a time or two or more! When I saw her in the casket I remembered that she did so many nice things for all of us too.

The next day at her service my aunts and uncle and dad talked about some of their memories. They included things like her way with numbers, the way she kept house and made bread, how much she talked, and how much she loved. Sometimes she didn't know exactly how to express that love and so she did it through actions.
Then I remembered some of the things that I loved about Grandma:
Her cooking. I loved to watch her put a whole meal together. She always thought of everything and I loved it. She would spend her day cooking.
I loved looking at her stash of material, pick one out and have her whip something up out of it: pajamas,shorts,dress,etc. Because of her I think it is necessary to have new dresses for Reagan at Christmas, Easter, and her birthday. Those days don't feel complete without a new dress. I know it is because Grandma sewed dresses for us girls on those days-and others, but especially those days. She didn't sew for just her grandkids, she sewed for the neighbor kids, her nieces, and even some kids that she just really liked! She could sew unlike anyone I know.
She told stories. Lots of them. She is a verbal person. That is what my mom would always say:) When it was just us she would tell us stories of growing up with every detail. She could tell me what day of the week I was born. That always impressed me. I'm glad for those stories now. As I got older I learned what was actual truth and what was grandma's interpretation of the actual truth!!
I remembered so much about the grandma that I loved. The traveling, cleaning, cooking, sewing, talking, surprising, and mostly loving.
I think when someone has been sick and unable to communicate it is easy to, in our minds, think of them as gone. Its easy to think that their life doesn't have much value anymore. Seeing grandma in the casket reminded me of the many years before she was sick that she was there. She was harsh, and blunt, don't get me wrong, I still remember those times, but she loved us. Underneath all of it she really did love us.
The woman who we used to joke would never die is gone. I'm glad for the memories and that funerals help us remember the good ones. Because, honestly, I had forgotten many of them.
I hope I am able to live my life so that my family knows how much I love them. I tell my kids every day multiple times how much I love them.I don't ever want them to forget...no matter what happens to me. I hope they always know.
I'm glad we made the trip to Boise. Even with the sickness, it was worth it. I needed the closure. I needed the reminders that I had happy memories with grandma. I know we will be together again someday! That makes me even happier!!